Are you in control?

There are some things that it’s really important to be in control of and others that, if you’re wanting healthy relationships and a peaceful life, it’s imperative you’re not. (By the way I am not saying that you should just sit around and wait for things to happen, if you are wanting change then you have to be proactive. Always do the best that you can and then let go and let the outcome unravel).
Control can become a problem when the tendency of trying to control the people around you sets in. It is something that a lot, I’m sure, are guilty of doing because the desire to control springs out of a place of being out of control. Examples including trauma, abandonment, lack of trust, anxieties and abuse.
Be in control of your emotions and finances, your mindfulness and thoughts, your words and actions… but LET GO of trying to control situations and other people. We all need to remember that we are only ever in charge of what we’re doing…. Not what others do!
It took me a while to do this, to put trust into something higher and more powerful than I am… But in return I have received a sense of peace and serenity and I want the same for you.

Some steps that you can take to help with letting go are:

– Take a step back and surrender. Remember that in your life all the decisions you make and the situations you’re in and go through, you always come out the other end ok. And usually are gifted with a sense of strength – especially after something bad has happened. So, with this surrender and trust that everything does work out for the better. Take a moment when you’re about to jump on the control wagon and step back, step back and let things unfold for the people around you as they should. To surrender is to completely accept what is and to have faith that all is well.

Pinpoint – when you feel control kicking in, you need to pinpoint why you think that you’re trying to control the situation and the reason that you’re scared to let go. Since doing this I’ve really managed to address so many things that I used to try and control and the outcomes are no doubt the same, but I just feel calmer inside. (Although, as the oldest, I’m probably still known by my siblings as the bossy one!) Go ahead, ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen if I let go?” Examples can literally include micro managing a boyfriend or girlfriend to trying to control the restructuring of a team at work… That’s out of your control due to higher people in the company, how do you know that by taking control of these situations is going to provide a better outcome. If you let go and let it be, then at least the peace in your mind is for sure.

Self-regulating – this is about choosing how you respond to a situation or someone’s actions. Over the years something that I have learnt is that no one can make you feel anything. When I say this I always know that the person opposite me is thinking “huh?” but it’s simple, you have to be responsible for the way you perceive things. Even if someone is trying to make you feel something, at the end of the day, the way that you see it is the way that it’ll affect you. Often in these situations where one ‘feels something from someone else’ it’s due to a lack of communication. There’s nothing worse than feeling something bad when the intentions of others were inherently good…. This theory should be applied to all areas of life, it just depends on the way that you see things so if you drop your expectations of outcomes and see your life through a more neutral perspective then ultimately you’ll become a more happier person.


  1. […] controlling type then it’s time to recognise this and start working on it (I wrote more about ‘control’ earlier in the year). Try and set yourself the aim of letting other people make the plans for a […]

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